New Year's Reflection

Last New Year's Eve I thought a lot about the things in my life I wanted to change and what I wanted the new year to bring. This year I'm not in a place where I can do that. I feel like I barely have my feet under me and like I am in no place to gaze into the future and make goals (though I would like to make it to the gym a little more often). Instead, I am feeling more retrospective and have been thinking a lot about the changes we have all undergone over the past 12 months.

Jonathan has gone through phase after phase that has seemed so intense and immediate and unending- but they have (almost) all ended and gone into the next equally intense and unique phase. From crawling to walking to running and tip-toeing. From nursing almost exclusively to slopping through jars of baby food and gumming cheerios to wielding a fork and spoon on his own with skill and eating dinner with the family from his own plate. From formless babbles to one syllable words to speaking in sentences and attempting to carry the melody while singing the entire lyrics of songs. He has gained 9 teeth (including 4 molars) and has graduated to the big bathtub. He still smiles and laughs almost all the time and thinks with his tongue out. He still has a boundless love for all things ball (in March his first word was ball and today he chose to sit and watch basketball on TV with Daddy instead of coming upstairs for cookies). And he is still a complete joy and wonder for which I am grateful every day.

Looking at old pictures and video, the change in that kiddo this year is astounding. I guess a year will do that when it comprises over half of your life.

I have not grown or changed as much as Jonathan this year, but I have weathered a few storms and heartbreaks and have worked really hard to live in the moment and enjoy every second I have for what it is. I like to think that I am wiser and that some of the experiences of this year will leave me changed for the positive. I like to think that I am more compassionate, more willing to say "yes" and "no" at the right times, more comfortable with who I am and who I am not, and more able to weather the ups and downs that life throws my way. I have no idea what 2011 holds; I'm sure there will be laughter and tears. My hope is that I am able to focus on the true and meaningful parts of life more and more. That I am able to see more clearly what this life is and what it is not. And that I am brave enough to not turn away when the going gets tough.

christmas tree

Jonathan loves art at school and always talks about his paintings and coloring projects with great pride. So, partially inspired by a blog by a super creative mom, I decided to brave the world of paint and a 1 year old. I changed him into an old set of clothes that I never liked anyway, covered the dining room table with an old outdoor tablecloth and set to dipping little hands in green paint.

Jonathan LOVED it. I tried to be cool and laid back, but really I was on pins and needles the entire time he was banging his little hands around in the paint. I stayed calm on the outside until he started turning around and putting his hands on the chair. And then I only let out a little yelp of panic, and quickly wiped up the mess. I still need to work on some logistical details (tips on smocks anyone?) but at was doable and I think we will be doing more painting at home.

I spent some time last night cutting out tiny hand prints (40 in all)

and gluing them to a background

So today we had more craft-time decorating the Christmas Tree! I'm not sure I Jonathan recognized that the tree was made from his hand-prints or not. But he enjoyed the stickers and shiny bows nonetheless. And I had fun too!

Christmas Projects

In my mind the evenings before Christmas are filled with quiet egg-nog drinking and relaxing in front of a sparkling tree. In actuality the evenings are usually filled with exhaustion and chaos, half-completed projects and a constant stress that not everything will get done perfectly. I make mental lists, but never seem to make progress in checking them off because my brain adds projects faster than I can complete them. To be clear, I love projects and crafts. The process of imagining and creating things is one of the things that makes me feel the most alive inside. However, I typically have no discernment about how many things I can take on at once. And I never give myself a break. (Perfectionism is one of the things I used to talk to my therapist about on almost every visit.) I am trying really really hard this year, however, to not beat myself up about not getting it all done and take the time to sit back and enjoy my time with Jonathan. So if you don't get our Christmas card until January, assume it is because I was taking the time to help Jonathan play with our nativity scene or enjoy the magic of Christmas lights.

That being said, I still have a list of projects to complete before Friday, and I finished the most major one today. Years ago, before there was a Jonathan on the horizon, I hand quilted stockings for Jim and myself. Back in those days I had the time to piece a complicated pattern, hand quilt it and embroider our initials. Back in those days I couldn't really imagine why I wouldn't be able to do the same if and when we were adding stockings to our mantle. This year when I realized the time commitment in making one for Jonathan, I almost threw them out bought new ones for all three of us. But I love our stockings and I love that I made them. So last week I braved the snowstorm and took Jonathan to the fabric store to pick out some new fabrics. And after spending hours in the evenings and during nap times, today I finished the final stitches!!

Who knows if I will finish knitting hats and beading necklaces and baking cookies and writing cards. But Jonathan has a stocking and a Mommy who has resolved to enjoy the magic of the season!!

Jonathan Narrates "At the Beach"

One of my favorite things is to have Jonathan "read" books to me. Here is his version of "At the Beach"

"Bucket"

"Shovel"

"Hoop!! Shoot it basketball!!! Two Points!"

Either he's missing that the book has an overall theme or else believes that basketball goes with anything. I'm guessing the latter.

Jonathan dump it?

Jonathan is a huge talker. Not only does he continually narrate his every move, but he also tells you in advance/asks permission for everything he is about to do. For example today one of our major activities was moving every one of his socks from his sock drawer to the laundry hamper and back. One. At. A. Time. And every time he got to the hamper, he would look at me and say "Jonathan sock in it?" and wait for me to give him the OK to put the sock in the hamper.

The upside is that he not only asks permission to do ridiculously benign things, but also asks about activities like throwing things in the toilet or hitting the dog with the pool noodle. Today at dinner he picked up his cup, looked at me and said "Jonathan dump it?". No sweetie, you cannot dump your milk on the floor. He will then re-ask the question 500 times, but will usually eventually take no for an answer. I imagine our ask-first days are numbered, but I'm enjoying them for now!!

Mommy's Helper

Jonathan LOVES helping in the kitchen. And he LOVES sitting on the counter. Today he was sorting the broccoli from the strainer into the pan. And then back into the strainer. And then back into the pan... the sorting occupied him for over 30 minutes. Here he is smiling for the camera!

bully

So it turns out Jonathan is the class bully at the preschool. I have seen him scope out a younger kid and push them down before. But lately we have been getting notes from his teachers such as:

"Jonathan has been pushing children down0 we've talked to him about his. Please talk to him at home".

or

"Still pushing quite a bit- we are talking to him about this and making him sit out for a few minutes"

or

"Quite a bit of hitting right before nap."

or (more hopefully)

"Less pushing today!! Jonathan really enjoys art class"

Upon discussing this with the teachers, I have come to learn that he specifically targets one little girl in his class. Great. So when we read books about other children, I try to emphasize that we are gentle with other children like we are gentle with the dog. I try to catch him in the act of being nice (or naughty) and reinforce, but I'm not around him with other kids that much. I guess I am glad that he has a confident temperament and that he isn't the kid letting someone push him around. But gee I wish he wasn't the class bully at 18 months old.

Thanksgiving

Here is wishing you and yours a happy Thanksgiving weekend!

piggies

Today on the way home from preschool, Jonathan was chatting away to himself in his car seat:

"Pants on. Shoes on. Socks on. Piggies on. Market. Home. Wee wee wee"

melancholy

I have been having a tough time the last week and a half. I'm trying to put on a brave face, and to stop and enjoy the (finally) crisp fall air, to notice the breathtakingly red and orange treetops against the clear blue sky. I'm trying to take each day as it comes and focus on the blessings I have today. But it hasn't been working. I have had an overwhelming sense of helplessness and disorientation, a feeling that I am stuck here in this season of melancholy with no way of controlling much of anything.

I haven't been feeling overtly sad about the miscarriage. But it sneaks up on me in little, unexpected ways all the time. From not worrying about an extra cup of coffee or a glass of wine, to finding the baby-bjorn I'd bought the week before the miscarriage. Getting the bill for the D&C in the mail, putting up Jonathan's outgrown 12 month pants in a box with the other clothes we are saving for a future baby. And all of those little pings are building up in my psyche. My subconscious keeps them all stored up until they leak out in weird and disturbing dreams, diffuse bouts of melancholy, sudden teary episodes in the grocery line, or crazy schemes that stem from my desire to find new direction in my life.

I guess this is how grief from loss always goes. You feel absence around every corner, and over time new loves and patterns soften the edges and fill in some of the little holes. But the big ones stick around for a while. I think the only thing to do is to try to keep moving forward. To keep choosing to love and see the present moments for what they are and to dwell in the joyful bits of each day.

the grass is always greener

Jonathan has starting wanting things simply because he is told that they are out of reach or off limits or belong to someone else. If he is anything like his momma he will be struggling against this defiant streak for the rest of his life. I am simultaneously amused and disturbed by the strength and consistency of this trend. Tonight, for instance, when it became clear that he was avoiding the carrots on his plate, carefully maneuvering around them to only eat pizza, I piled them all up in a neat pile on his plate and declared that that they were mine. I ate a bite or two and then commented again that they were Mommy's carrots. When I told him that they were "not for Jonathan", his response was immediate. He went from blithely stabbing at pieces of pizza with his fork to honing in on the carrots exclusively (and stabbing at me with his fork when I was in his way). He ate 4 or 5 chunks of carrot in a row before going back to his pizza and continued to give me the stink eye if I so much as made a move to eat one off of his plate.

While I am delighted to have found this bit of trickery, I am nervous about encouraging this unhealthy instinct by capitalizing on it. But it worked with beans and rice last night, carrots tonight, and sweet potatoes last week. And I'm pretty sure my parents used similar techniques with me. Hopefully I am not sowing the seeds of his therapy sessions 20 years from now.

18 month update

Jonathan went in on Tuesday for his 18 month appointment and so I thought it would be a good time to share some random facts about the most amazing 18month old in the world:

-He continues to be in the 10% for weight and the 90% for height

-When the doctor came into the exam room for his 18 mo appointment, Jonathan looked at him, and proudly said "Hi Doctor!" then pointed to an empty chair and said "Sit-down!". The pediatrician was a bit taken aback, but impressed!

-Currently he is crazy about trash-cans. He points them out wherever we go- from quite far away. This week he has also taken to finding bits of trash around the house (stray bits of lint or clumps of dog hair or pages ripped out of a book) and then parading through the living room declaring "crash-keen, crash-keen" until I unlock the cabinet where the trash can lives and he can throw the offending bit of lint away.

-Almost nothing is as guaranteed to make him as happy as suggesting that we go outside.

-We just weaned him from his morning bottle this week. He maintains a fierce love for his evening bottle and so we are continuing it as part of the bedtime routine (don't tell the doctor)

-Still hates to drink milk from a cup. Thankfully loves yogurt and cheese.

-Loves waffles for breakfast.

- Has 10 teeth

-Still loves balls- particularly soccer balls. (When there is a team practicing soccer in the field across the street it is like a dream come true.) He can correctly identify a baseball, football, basketball, and soccer ball and knows that soccer balls and footballs are for kicking and that basketballs are for shooting. If you make your arms into a a hoop, he will 'shoot' the basketball through the hoop and then *sometimes* say "Go Duke!"

-Says his name and the names of all 8 children in his preschool class as well as the 3 teachers.

-LOVES pushing buttons and pretending to talk on the phone. He holds the phone up to his hear and says "Hi" and then a few random words and then "Bye" and then puts the phone down. If you ask him who he was talking to he usually replies "Grampa"

-He calls his toes "piggies"

-Talks non-stop from the moment he wakes up until the moment he goes to sleep.

Halloween

Jonathan had his first "trick-or-treat" experience this year. He still doesn't know what candy is all about, so there was no actual tricking or treating, but we did take a cruise through the neighborhood with his toy car in costume to say hello to the neighbors. And, in my totally unbiased opinion, Jonathan rocked the dragon costume! I'm especially fond of how his tail bounces as his little butt waddles away!

In Mommy's Shoes

What can I say, Jonathan LOVES shoes. At the pool this summer he could spot an unattended shoe with eagle eyes and would be off stealing them before I could blink. Now he has discovered that he can wear other people's shoes and it's a whole new game!

deflated

I feel sort of like a deflated balloon. A lot of crappy stuff has happened this fall. In August a former student of mine was killed in a shooting. In September I went to the funeral of this dear young man who didn't make it to 23, but whose son was turning 1 in a week. Two weeks later I lost my baby. And now I just feel weighed down. I am putting one foot in front of the other, making it through every day. I am trying to relish every fleeting moment of Jonathan's one-year-oldness. But some more of life's shiny coating has worn off. I dislike this world where babies die and some people are never given a chance and where there is so much pain. There are things that genuinely make me smile and even laugh every day. But I am always conscious of a deep sadness lurking just behind my smile.

I am afraid. I am afraid I will sink back into my depression. I found a ziplock bag full of 4-year-old prozac in my desk drawer this week, and it made me cry. I don't want to head down that dark path again. I don't want to be depressed again. I don't want to be on meds again or in therapy again. Not that they were not wonderful things for me and things I for which am incredibly thankful and things I would do again in a heartbeat if I needed to. I just really don't want to be in a place where I do need them again.

I don't know where the line is between normal grieving and dealing with stress and needing help. I don't think I have crossed it. Yet. I still feel like myself, just feel like a deflated version. I guess time will tell.

young picasso

Today Jonathan brought his first art projects home from school!!

I am super glad they are doing art at school. Not only do I think it is important, but I would NOT give him glue, glitter, or finger paint at home. I would LOVE to be a fly on the wall in his preschool class during art class. Seriously, 8 one-year-olds with finger paint? I'm just glad I'm not on clean-up duty!

weekend pics

Jonathan sporting his new kicks and new wheels!

Relaxing while Daddy was working

A Dukie at heart, Jonathan is already loving the basketball!

jealousy

I took Jonathan with me this afternoon to visit and bring dinner to some friends who just had a baby. As always it took a few minutes for him to survey and get adjusted to new people, but once he was actively engaged with the dog and some balls, I got a chance to hold the new baby. He was precious!! So tiny and wonderful!! I loved it. Jonathan did not. When he saw I was holding the baby, he promptly gave me the stink-eye and marched himself over to my chair. He then pointed to the baby and said emphatically "baby down". I was shocked by his strong and immediate emotional reaction and because I think this is the first time he has strung more than one word together to make a "sentence". I guess jealousy is a powerful motivator for communication!!

not the week I'd imagined

This week was supposed to have been celebratory. Thursday we were supposed to go for our 10 week prenatal appointment. We were supposed to have an ultrasound and meet with our midwife. We were supposed to focus on happy baby planning. None of those things happened this week. Instead, I went in on Monday for an early ultrasound and found out I'd had a miscarriage. Instead I spend Wednesday having a D&C and sleeping it off.

So tonight instead of cooing over a grainy ultrasound picture and looking forward, I am drinking tea and feeling empty. My planning brain is no longer dreaming of double strollers and tiny onsies. Instead it is blankly staring into the unknown.

I feel differently that I thought I'd feel. I thought I would feel devastated as though I'd lost a child. I don't. I feel a diffuse sense of sadness and glum that I just can't shake. I feel like a hope and a dream died. I think I knew for the last few weeks that something wasn't right. I had been desperately hoping my heart was wrong. But it wasn't. When the doctor showed me the ultrasound image where there should have been a prune sized baby with heart thumping and there was only a still lentil sized blob, I wasn't surprised. It was as though I was suddenly able to acknowledge the grief that had been sitting like a weight in my chest that I'd been trying to blame on paranoia and to ignore.

I'm not fully sure what dealing with this will look like. I find myself tearing up at weird times and snapping at Jim for crazy reasons. But at least we can start to move forward.

phew

As I sit down to type this, I realize that my last post was quite some time ago. I guess that is testament to just how crazy these first few weeks of back-to-school have been. But we have survived and I think (and hope) are emerging into a better place where there is a little more breathing room and a little less running around like a chicken with my head cut off.

Jonathan has finally adjusted to preschool this year. It took him a solid week and a half of crying "most of the morning" before he had a good day with only a few tears when Daddy dropped him off. Those first days were rough on us all. When Jim would get out of the car to drop him off he would start to cry and say "home"; when I would pick him up and he would have dried salt crusted on his cheeks and neck from tears. But now that he realizes this is the routine, he is into it and excited to be at school. Though I think he is still holding onto some residual frustration about me abandoning him (based on how his reactions to me have changed and the frequency of his tantrums).

In the mean time, Jonathan's vocabulary has been continuing to expand like crazy. He has figured out that people besides Mama and Dada have names- and is eagerly learning (so far he's got "Gamma" "UncBri" "Guinee"). He has also started to learn his numbers (the math teacher in me rejoices...). He knows 1 and 2 and loves labeling how many of something there is.

I continue to be amazed at how quickly he is turning into a little boy right in front of us. He is so much fun and so much fun to interact with!!

dipping

Jonathan is going through a phase where he LOVES to dip food in, well, anything. It started with graham crackers in milk (my personal favorite), but now he insists on dipping his waffles in his yoghurt at breakfast. Two nights ago at dinner he kept picking things up and saying "dip?". When he finally realized there was going to be no dipping, he opted to get down and not eat dinner- not a single bite. So last night, I wised up and served pasta with the sauce on the side- for dipping. Huge hit. He even dipped his grapes in spaghetti sauce (he seemed to think it tasted great). Any suggestions out there for healthy, low prep dipping sauces? I get the feeling I'm going to need to have some ideas on hand for the next few weeks at least!

1st Week Back

So this was our first week back in the full swing of things. Me at work (with students), Jonathan at preschool, and Jim and I not doing crazy tag-team parenting. And it was a rough week- particularly for Jonathan. Every day on his preschool summary sheet there is some comment to the effect of "Jonathan is still tearful most of the morning". I know my kiddo, and he doesn't do 'tearful'; he does 'wailing sobs' and he does 'fall on the floor screaming', but passively 'tearful' I find hard to believe. Jim said as he started crying as they walked into the building to bring him to school today. By this afternoon when I came home, he had started to loose his voice (I can only assume because of screaming so much). Poor little guy. It is a big transition after being at home all summer- new teachers, new classroom, sleeping on a cot instead of a crib, lots of other screaming kiddos. I wish I had a way to soften the transition. Thankfully it is Friday and so he has two days to regroup at home before back to the grind on Monday.

Hi!

One of Jonathan's recent word acquisitions is "Hi". He says it with incredible enthusiasm in his voice and this cute little floppy-wristed wave. And as if that wasn't cute enough, today he started talking to his stomach. He lifts up his t-shirt, sticks out his tummy, waves and says "Hi!" Then, he pulls his shirt back down, waves again and says "Bye-bye". Hilarious.

mothering and selfishness

I have a problem with asking for what I want. To need or want something that takes any amount of time or money or inconvenience from someone else makes me feel incredibly guilty. I think this is a female thing- I'm pretty sure we have evolved to be self-sacrificing as a mothering instinct, because I see this coming out like crazy with Jonathan.

Typical example: We are eating lunch and after having a taste of my cottage cheese, Jonathan decides he likes it. So I feed him all of mine, spoonful by spoonful (without having any myself for fear he won't get his fill) until it is gone. Then I feel mildly guilty for having eaten any since he now wants more and we are out, and leave lunch a little hungry.

Prioritizing obtaining food for your child = good.

Guilt about enjoying a spoonful of cottage cheese = bad.

Today my yoga class was scheduled to go an extra 30 minutes to incorporate a breathing workshop. And I almost decided not to go because it would mean that Jim would *have* to watch Jonathan for another 30 min after I had (selfishly) been at work all day. (it sounds crazier and crazier to me even as I type it). But I needed to work out and to relax and this was the perfect solution. Jim convinced me I should go (he knows what I need better than I do most of the time) and so I did. It was fantastic. It was exactly what I needed. And no one suffered because I was out of the house for 90 minutes. Why can I only see these things in hindsight?

last day of summer

So today was it- the last day of summer vacation. Tomorrow my days as a lady of leisure come to an end, and once again I am back to the life of a working Mom. So, what did we do on this momentous day? I was hoping for a day that screamed "lazy summer day" to top of a great summer. But Jonathan's molars have been inching their way out and so we ALL started by waking up at 3:30 am for a dance party (you hate to waste any time sleeping on the last day of vacation...) We proceeded to have a bouncy, noisy, energetic morning- including a bouncy, screamy hour and a half Jonathan spent for his morning "nap"...

So the day didn't go exactly as I had envisioned. And while I spent an hour crabbing about the fact that I was spending the last day of summer being screamed/whined at over a baby monitor while mopping the floors instead of relaxing at the beach with a book, I got over it. With a toddler, nothing goes as envisioned so today was par for the course. We snuck in a quick trip to the pool before closing time. We splashed, read books, laughed, played chase. A perfect ending to a perfect summer!

unplugging

One of the things I have learned again about myself this summer is that I don't like my brain on technology. I hate the way I feel compulsively checking my email, facebook, blogs, etc- like I am hoping for a tiny affirmation or distraction. I read an article (thank you Rachel) and heard an NPR interview about neuroscientists who go into the wilderness for a trip totally away from technology to test the effects. And I can feel all of the effects they describe in reverse as soon as I boot up the computer in the morning. I am resolved to do something about it. (starting by blogging). Jonathan and I went to the botanical gardens and wandered about in the 'woods' for an hour yesterday morning and it was perfect. So peaceful and calm. I felt complete and good without knowing if anyone 'liked' my fb status. I could feel my brain relax in ways I hadn't felt for weeks and had a good chance to just take a deep breath and settle into the end of summer. And then I noticed that Jonathan was eating pebbles.... (why will he eat pebbles, sand, and acorns, but not touch a blueberry??). Anyway, I'm shutting down now (right after I check my blog list) (and my email again) (and then facebook, just one more time...)

sunroom update

Right before we left for our Minnesota excursion, I bought a rug from Crate and Barrel with the idea of finally toddler-proffing our sunroom so that it is usable space again. We've basically used the space for storing things out of Jonathan's way and as a "hiding" place for to-be-dealt-with-later paperwork. I needed some motivation for spending some serious time tucking away cords and breakables, sorting through piles of paper and junk. The rug seemed like a good motivation- and it was!

I loved its bright look online and even more in person, but when I laid it out, it was obvious that the rest of the room was also going to need an update. So for the past week or so I've been busy sewing new pillow shams in bright colors, consolidating Jonathan's books onto a cute rolling cart, and creating a little artwork!

I love the finished product!! It is light and cheerful and great for cuddling with a toddler and a good book! And such a good feeling to have that room back in use!

table manners

Jonathan is not exactly what you would call "polite company" at the dinner table. As I imagine is the case with most 15 month olds, there is a lot of banging, throwing, spitting out food, whining, dumping, etc. Today was one of those rare moments were I was able to look at him as this tiny little person exploring and engaging his world (instead of being constantly irked by his poor manners) and I was reminded again that he is just so new at all of this. He doesn't know what happens when you bang a sippy cup into a peanut butter sandwich or the noise banana chunks make when they hit the floor. There are a million ways to pick up a waffle- one of the most fun being to stick your finger though the middle and then try to jam the whole thing into your mouth. And while we are at it, doesn't your voice sound funny when your mouth is so full you can barely breathe? How many times in a row will the dog eat the peas thrown to the floor? What happens when you take a big gulp of water without swallowing and then let your mouth hang open?

He is really tremendously engaged in his own series of experiments, and as a science teacher I hate to discourage inquiry. But at some point manners should be learned. Among my top choices for rules to be followed at our table are:

• Once food is in your mouth it stays there and is swallowed.
• Food and utensils are not projectiles.
• The dog's food and the baby's food are not interchangeable.
• "More" and "please" are acceptable ways to make your needs known. "EEEEEH" is not.

I feel like I'm not asking for a lot. My blood pressure would stay considerably lower during mealtime if I had an idea of how and when to teach and enforce these rules. How much is too much to expect from a 1 year old? How much is to little? And what sort of consequences will work when he has such little interest in food to begin with?

Minnesota in Photos (and video)

Here is a recap of our fantastic Minnesota trip:

We played lots of bags. Jonathan got the idea after careful observation, but couldn't figure out why everyone else was took so much longer to get the bags in the hole:

We visited Lake Harriet and Lake Calhoun and ate at the Tin Fish:

We read stories with Grampa:

Took rides on the boat:

Played in the Mississippi River:

Rode on Grampa's tractor:

Helped Grandma with cooking and organization:

Played at the park:

And went to the science museum:

At the museum, the adults saw the Dead Sea Scrolls and enjoyed exhibits about earthquakes and dinosaurs. But for Jonathan, the highlight was without a doubt the ball exhibit:

It was a fantastic time! Thanks so much for having us! We cannot wait to visit again!

no smoking

My current reading list includes The World Without Us by Alan Wiesman. The first section was fantastic and fun- a great mix of science, history, archeology, and imagination. But over the past few days I've found myself bogged down in the chapters on plastics, fertilizers and farming, and the petrochemical industry. I have been profoundly disturbed by the insanely naive and selfish way civilized society is destroying the natural world. I've ended up feeling just sick about the ways we are all complicit in the destruction of other living things and the beauty in th world around us.

Strangely enough I found some odd solice on a recent flight. We we on a fairly new jetliner and as we were settling in I noticed the illuminated signs above the seats were both turning on and off. One of those signs was, as always, allerting us to fasten our seatbelts. But the other one was different. For as long as I can remember the other sign was a no-smoking sign and was always illuminated. But last week on this new plane, it was replaced with a "Turn off your Electronics" sign. And this week I am clinging to that change as a sign that society as a whole can change. Smoking was not limited on airplanes until 1987- and then only on flights of 2 hours or less. Now it is so accepted that smoking on an airplane is forbidden that they no longer need the sign. We were watching the Dick Van Dike Show a few weeks ago and seeing actors smoking cigarettes on screen was jarring. Americans have certainly changed our attitudes towards smoking. Maybe we can change our Earth destroying habits as well- and hopefully as quickly. Maybe using 13 mpg Hummers to drive to church, meat at every meal, chemically processed foods, and our disposable society will also one day be a relic.

Most of our friends appreciate enviornmental science, buy (or grow) organic and local food when they can, use reusable bags, and are at least conscious of our energy usage and think before cranking up the air. So maybe. Maybe Jonathan will grow up in a greener world and find it jarring to think that we used to so actively destroy the earth that sustains us. I can only hope.

learning from Daddy

Toddlers have a lot to learn from their Daddies. Particularly the art of juggling...

change of plans

Some days I love our decision to hire a cleaning service on an every other month scheme. Yesterday morning was not one of them. They were scheduled to come right after Jonathan's afternoon nap so we could pack up and head out to the botanical gardens to get out of their way. But when we got back from our morning errands hot, hungry, tired, and cranky their van was in our driveway and they were already cleaning. 20 minutes before nap-time was not the plan. I felt guilty for being annoyed that there were people in my house cleaning it for me. But annoyed I was. I had been counting on a quick lunch, an early nap for the cranky kiddo, and a minute of quiet to calm my killer headache. I took a deep breath, counted to 5, and reworked my plan for the immediate future.

We needed lunch. We needed to get out of the house. We didn't need fast food. The only option that sprang to mind was the stroller so I grabbed some peanut butter and a few slices of watermelon and we headed to the park for an impromptu picnic lunch. Jonathan thought it was great fun to be able to get up and run around between bites and the dog got more than his usual share of Jonathan's lunch. Jonathan rallied while at the park and the dog didn't die of heat exhaustion. I even had fun. Plus I had the treat of coming home to a freshly cleaned house. I guess there is something to be said for being flexible and going with the flow.

beach

The key to surviving this miserable hot is to stay wet. We can see the outdoor pool from our front yard and Jonathan has started yelling "pool" every time we go outside. But the pool is closed on Wednesdays, so this week we took a mid-week adventure to the beach. Jonathan still isn't sure about the sand. He will move handfuls back and forth from the beach, his bucket, and his shovel. But then gets upset that he can't get it off of his hands. He was completely entertained with his reorganization of the sand and watching the waves that I had a nice chance to relax in my beach chair too!

The beach was exactly what we needed today.