rolling over

MAJOR ACCOMPLISHMENT: Jonathan just rolled over for the first time all by himself!! We were laying on the bed. I was writing a letter; Jonathan had rolled from his back to his side (which he has been doing for a while) and was laying there chewing on his hand. He had been there for a few minutes when all of a sudden he straightened one leg and gave a little push and just like that he was on his tummy!! It took him a moment to figure out what had happened and that now he was inadvertently having dreaded "tummy time". But then he began to loudly voice his displeasure.

I fear this is the beginning of the end!

bath

Holding a happy baby after a bath is possibly the best thing in the world. Jonathan is very pleasant in the bath and I think he likes it (at least he doesn't dislike it). But sometimes afterward he is so smiley and giggly. Today I dried him off and put his diaper on and then he just smiled and cooed while he lay on my chest and I rubbed baby lotion on his arms and legs. He is the cutest, most wonderful thing ever!

return policy

I wanted to take him back today. But I think the return policy at the hospital has expired. He was fussy all morning. "Fussy" is a nice sounding way of saying that a baby is screaming in your face and nothing makes it better. I think it was term coined by someone who doesn't remember what dealing with a "fussy" baby is like. Being screamed at a little is ok. But when you are doing everything you can think of to right whatever is wrong and the screaming continues it is just demoralizing. I felt so impotent which made me feel so angry. Angry at Jim for leaving me for a week. Angry at Jonathan for not giving me a break. Angry at the dog for being there and not helping. Angry at myself for being angry. I finally put Jonathan in his bed and left the room until he stopped crying.

green

Last night when I changed Jonathan's diaper, his poop was green. Not greenish. Green. Liked cooked spinach.

I'm trying not to freak out. I'm trying to wait to see if this continues today since Jonathan hasn't seemed sick otherwise.

The internet suggested that it could be a sign of a virus (immediately my mind jumps to the conclusion that Jonathan is sick and I have missed the crucial signs and he is going to die. Probably in the next few minutes) ot that excess saliva could have gotten swollowed and caused green stool. He has been drooling like a champ lately (I think he might be starting to teethe) so this seems like a more logical explaination. So I'm trying to stay logcial and not freak out. Emphasis on trying. But I mean really- green poop?!? How do you remain calm with bright green poop?!?

vitamins

I am, apparently, starving for some sense of accomplishment. I know this because I find myself taking immense satisfaction in giving Jonathan his vitamins and watching the level of liquid in the bottle go down 1mL a day. I congratulate us (Jonathan and myself): "Great work!" "We're making progress now!" I guess one of the things mommyhood will eventually teach me is to let things go and concentrate on the more important, but less measurable, things like talking to the baby, dancing with the baby, changing diapers, etc. But old habits die hard and today I find myself tempted to cheat and give him vitamins twice a day!

later

Sometimes when Jonathan is nursing he will look up at me with this sneaky smile and then he throws his top arm over his face like he is hiding. I can imagine him saying "Geez Mom, can't a guy get a little privacy around here?"

naps

Jonathan slept beautifully almost all day today (a relief after yesterday where he didn't sleep at all). He was so peaceful and serene and beautiful. He looked just like a china-doll. I kept just watching him sleep instead of doing all of those things I never have time for- like showering or eating a real meal or taking a nap. But despite my dirty, hungry, tired self, all I wanted to do was look at him and kiss those adorable little toes!!