Birth Story

So its been almost three weeks since Zoe was born  and I am hoping that gives me a good balance between remembering her labor and delivery with some accuracy and having enough oxytocin built up in my system to have taken the harshest edges off my memories.  So here goes...

Since it didn't result in a baby being born it wasn't true labor, but contractions began on Labor Day (Sept. 5).  Strong enough and regular enough that I called my parents and was fully expecting to see our little princess that day.  But she had other ideas.  The contractions subsided somewhat, from every 10 min to 1 or 2 per hour for the next two weeks.  Occasionally they would pick up again- every 10 min for an hour or two- and we would wonder, "Is this it?!?"  But no. School started for me and life went on as normal, or as close to it as you can get when you are fully expecting your water might break at any moment.

I had my 39 week check-up on the 16th.  I told the midwife I was sick and tired of pregnancy and really wanted to get things started, so she swept my membranes during the exam.  I left telling her I hoped I would see her later that evening.  And sure enough, contractions started again by dinnertime.  We put Jonathan to bed and waited.  They were getting closer and stronger and I was knew that this time was it.  My mom booked a flight.  Jim's parents were on red alert for coming over to watch Jonathan when we decided it was time to go.  Around 9pm we went to bed, hoping to get a few hours of rest before things really got moving.  Around 1:30am I woke up with enough discomfort that I wasn't able to sleep.  Jim's parents came around 2:30 and we watched The Office for a few hours.  At 6am we decided it was really time to go, so we headed to the hospital.

The midwife measured me at 4cm when we arrived.  We did laps around L&D until 10am when they remeasured me to be at 5cm.  And at that point I decided to quit; 4 hours per 1cm was not going to be an acceptable pace. I was exhausted- tired of the tease that my body had been giving me for the past two weeks.  I realized that I hadn't really come to the hospital mentally prepared for what lay ahead.  With Jonathan I was pumped- this was it and I was ready to take on childbirth and do it drug free.  This time I was tired.  Tired from being up since 1:30am, tired of being pregnant, tired of contractions, tired of waiting, tired of thinking "maybe this is it" and being wrong, tired of the anticipation.

So when Nell, the midwife, said she thought she should break my water to get labor back on track, I knew I needed to say yes.  I knew that breaking my water would mean a sure path forward in this process.   But it would also mean I would be facing a new level of pain and require a mental fortitude I wasn't sure I had.  What I really wanted to do was say 'forget it, I quit', but quitting isn't really an option during labor.  So I took a deep breath and said yes.

Nell broke my water and almost instantly I hit transition- hard.  My contractions went from taking my breath away to making me scream. I had forgotten that feeling.  The one that you are being pulled apart from the inside.  The kind of pain that removes all capacity for rational thought and modesty.  I got in the birthing tub and that helped, a little.  And after about an hour, I was at 10cm and ready to push.

Because there had been meconium in the amniotic fluid, the pediatrician and nursery nurse were in the room as soon as I started pushing and wanted to get Zoe out fast (a mutual goal).  With Jonathan pushing had been terrible; every push felt like horrible ripping pain.  But this time it felt right; it felt like this was what my body needed to be doing.  I could focus on pushing with each breath instead of the pain of each contraction. I pushed for about 20 minutes and then Nell said that since Zoe's heart rate was going down during the contractions, I needed to get her out in the next 2 pushes or she was going to do an episiotomy.  That did it for me.  Her head was out on the next push. And I was done.  I saw Zoe laying on the bed next to me, umbilical cord still connecting us and I cried.  I cried with relief that I was done.  I cried for joy as I felt my heart expand.  I cried with the wonderful and terrible knowledge that I loved this little one with the kind of love that will bear any pain and sacrifice everything without a second thought.

The pediatrician checked Zoe and she was great- 7lbs 15oz and 20" long.  Her umbilical cord was twisted up like a telephone cord (presumably from her constant flips in utero) so that it was only 12" long instead of a typical 20" (hence the dropping heart rate).  They handed her back to me and the rest of the world became a blur.  This perfect little package, wrapped in the hospital receiving blanket, was finally here nothing else seemed to matter very much.

patience

So for me, the notable thing about this evening is that I am sitting on my sofa blogging and watching The Office.  I am NOT in the hospital having this baby. I started having contractions on Sunday night, they were small, but getting stronger and I thought we could have a baby by Monday (perfect for Labor Day- right?).  But my body and the baby have other plans, apparently, because here it is Wednesday night and still no baby and very few contractions.

I am mostly OK with this.  I am sick of being pregnant.  And I do want to meet this little girl.  But the right time will come, and that will be the best.  The thing that is hard about this point in the pregnancy is that I spend half of my time and energy preparing for the possibility of going into labor in the next 12 hours (are my bags packed? did I leave my lesson plans all ready to be out of work for 12 weeks?  Is Jonathan's lunch packed for school tomorrow?), and the other half preparing myself for waiting another several weeks.  It would be great to just KNOW.  Patience is not really my thing.  Being prepared is.  So this is driving me crazy.   I suppose parenting is nothing if not a lesson in patience and relinquishing control, and this is just a continuation of this lesson.

37 weeks

So as my weekly pregnancy update email has reminded me, starting this weekend I am officially "full term"! And what could be better timing wise than to have a hurricane bearing down on us this weekend? Perfect. At least the hospital is only one mile away- even if the streets remain impassible for weeks, I could still probably make it there walking. (Or perhaps DH could push me in the jogging stroller). I guess life is nothing if not an adventure!

Belly Pic - 35 weeks

So here I am at 35 weeks and up 35 pounds!

And while I am terrified and having nightmares about being prepared to bring a baby home, I am ready to not be pregnant any more. I am having a hard time getting in and out of chairs and I consciously tell myself not to waddle.

But then this morning when I glimpsed myself in the mirror, I realized how weird and wonderful it was that there was truly a little person inside. Doing her little dance and awaiting her debut into this family. I watched as I saw her doing some sort of dramatic kick was clearly visible outside my skin and thought- this is amazing. So while I am tired of the heartburn, insomnia, exhaustion, and vericose veins, it is pretty incredible what is going on inside of that enormous tummy.

Nursery- almost done!

So with only 5 weeks left until my official due date (which I think is probably a few days too late), my entire brain seems to be consumed with baby preparation. This is no longer keeping me up tossing and turning all night (I'm not sure I slept more than 10 hours total during the week last week), but it is keeping me busy. We moved that beautiful dresser upstairs and are finishing up the nursery. It is looking good so far. Since the kiddos are going to share a room, I've been trying to meld the boy and girl styles, but the room is kind of split down the middle at this point.

Here is the view as you first walk in the door:

As you turn to your left, you see the girl part of the room. (Mostly done except the crib mattress and potentially a rug).

As you keep turning 180 degrees, past the door where you entered, you come to the boy portion of the room.

And if you keep turning, you encounter the disaster portion:

I foresee a constant battle between Mommy and the proliferation of toys and chaos for the next 18 years or so. But I would really like to have a place for everything where it can be out of sight and then found easily again (at least once in a while). Our current "organization" for upstairs toys and books is seriously lacking at the moment. I'm thinking canvas bins and perhaps more of a book display rack rather than a book shelf. Anyone found anything that works for keeping toddler books in some sort of easily accessible, orderly fashion?

Belly Pic- 28 weeks

Here I am, 28 weeks down and 25lbs up!

Belly Pic- 25 weeks

Here it is! I am up 20 pounds and starting to be a smidge uncomfortable while sitting. Also I am starting to find myself blithely assuming I will fit through openings that I will not (between desks when navigating my classroom- for instance). BUT I went swimming today for the first time in while and was still able to do a flip-turn!

Belly Pic- 21 weeks

I can't believe we are already past the half-way mark!! Here is my growing belly from the outside... (please be so kind as to ignore the crazy hair thing I've got going on)

Being half-way not only means I no longer fit in my pants, it ALSO means that we went in for our 20 week ultrasound this past week and... we are having a GIRL!!! Here she is:

Daddy has no baby

Jonathan and I were "reading" a cooking magazine earlier this week and came across a picture of a quite pregnant woman eating something obnoxiously healthy like raw broccoli. I decided it was time to take the opportunity to talk about how sometimes ladies have babies growing in their tummies. I've mentioned this before to him and he has just looked at me like I am completely insane. This time was no different. But I went to get his baby book and showed him a picture of when I was pregnant with him. I told him that that was when he was in my tummy. He leaned forward, examined the picture closely and then turned around to look at my tummy.

"Mommy's tummy big. Jonathan in Mommy's tummy??"

"You used to be in Mommy's tummy."

He looked up at me suspiciously and then plowed headfirst into my stomach, curling his little legs up underneath so he was a small and spherical as he could get.

"Jonathan get back in Mommy's tummy?"

It took a few minutes to explain to him that (a) he was too big and that (b) nothing fun was in Mommy's tummy (no Daddy, no froggy-blanket, no basketballs...). But finally he stopped ramming my stomach with his head.

Today when I picked him up from preschool, he pointed to my tummy and said "Mommy has a baby in her tummy, but Daddy has no baby."

Announcement

I was going to wait until 20 weeks, but my students guessed this week and asked me about it, so I guess the cat is sort of out of the bag... I'm pregnant again!! I'm at 18 weeks and we are due mid September!! I've been having a hard time believing that this one is actually going to work out after the miscarriage this fall. But after seeing the baby moving around in an ultrasound, hearing the heartbeat, and starting to out-grow my pants, I'm getting more and more excited!! And today I finally decided to brave the belly-picture.

Here is me with a flat belly (taken 5 weeks into the pregnancy this fall):

And here is me today at 18 weeks: (the first one is with my belly normal, the second one with it pushed out)