New Year's Reflection

Last New Year's Eve I thought a lot about the things in my life I wanted to change and what I wanted the new year to bring. This year I'm not in a place where I can do that. I feel like I barely have my feet under me and like I am in no place to gaze into the future and make goals (though I would like to make it to the gym a little more often). Instead, I am feeling more retrospective and have been thinking a lot about the changes we have all undergone over the past 12 months.

Jonathan has gone through phase after phase that has seemed so intense and immediate and unending- but they have (almost) all ended and gone into the next equally intense and unique phase. From crawling to walking to running and tip-toeing. From nursing almost exclusively to slopping through jars of baby food and gumming cheerios to wielding a fork and spoon on his own with skill and eating dinner with the family from his own plate. From formless babbles to one syllable words to speaking in sentences and attempting to carry the melody while singing the entire lyrics of songs. He has gained 9 teeth (including 4 molars) and has graduated to the big bathtub. He still smiles and laughs almost all the time and thinks with his tongue out. He still has a boundless love for all things ball (in March his first word was ball and today he chose to sit and watch basketball on TV with Daddy instead of coming upstairs for cookies). And he is still a complete joy and wonder for which I am grateful every day.

Looking at old pictures and video, the change in that kiddo this year is astounding. I guess a year will do that when it comprises over half of your life.

I have not grown or changed as much as Jonathan this year, but I have weathered a few storms and heartbreaks and have worked really hard to live in the moment and enjoy every second I have for what it is. I like to think that I am wiser and that some of the experiences of this year will leave me changed for the positive. I like to think that I am more compassionate, more willing to say "yes" and "no" at the right times, more comfortable with who I am and who I am not, and more able to weather the ups and downs that life throws my way. I have no idea what 2011 holds; I'm sure there will be laughter and tears. My hope is that I am able to focus on the true and meaningful parts of life more and more. That I am able to see more clearly what this life is and what it is not. And that I am brave enough to not turn away when the going gets tough.