worst thing I can imagine

I went to Target with Jonathan today and as we were strolling through the isles, I noticed that there was a woman craning to look at Jonathan. I stopped and she said "He is beautiful. How old is he?" I replied that he was almost 10 months and she said "I thought so. My baby just passed away. He was 10 months old"

I didn't know what to say; I don't know what I did say. She said "Enjoy him. He is precious"

The entire conversation probably took 20 seconds, but I have spent all day going over it in my mind. I cannot imagine what it would be like to lose Jonathan. I don't think I would be able to get up off the floor- ever. And here this woman was looking completely normal and pulled together. She smiled at me and cooed at Jonathan.

Half of the time I want to go back to the conversation and hug her and cry with her. I want to find her and ask her to tell me her story and comfort her (as if there is anything I could do to ease her pain). The other half of the time I want to hide my face in a pillow and have someone hug me and tell me that its OK, that I don't have to worry, that Jonathan will always be OK, that everything will always be OK, that nothing horrible will ever happen.

I've felt shaky inside all day. I know there is horrible, unimaginable pain in the world. But our culture makes sure that it is always so far removed from us and our lives- until it is not and we see how flimsy our day to day worries and cares are compared to the things that really matter.