sleepless in virginia

Jonathan was up every 2 hours last night... until 2am at which point he started waking up and crying every hour. At that point I turned off the baby monitor and let him cry. I felt a mixture of guilt and self-hatred as I selfishly prioritized my own sleep over comforting my crying child, but my exhausted self took over.

I woke up an hour and a half later, remembered that I had turned the monitor off, panicked, and turned it back on. It was totally silent. I continued panicking, convinced that Jonathan had been kidnapped and I had not woken up to save him because I had not heard the intruder's footsteps or Jonathan's cry on the monitor. I knew this was an irrational thought and so I spent the next 20 minutes laying awake convincing myself that it was irrational and that I should not go upstairs. I finally got myself back to sleep and 15 minutes later Jonathan was awake and crying. I woke up so relieved to hear his un-kidnapped self that I almost cried myself. At this rate I'm going to have a nervous breakdown by the end of the week!