self sufficiency

I firmly believe that I should be able to do anything and everything. And that if I can do something, I should. Asking for help is not something I do. This especially applies to things I might consider paying someone else to do and leads me to feel guilty whenever I pay someone to change the oil in my car, put new gutters on my house, do any sort of yard work, paint my fingernails, cook food for me, etc. I'm working on the idea that while I might be physically able to something does not mean that I should. This is a new idea for me and one I'm only starting to believe. The fact that my time is so increasingly limited is forcing me to make some of choices. For example, I could vaccuum or I could spend time playing with Jonathan- not a difficult choice. But lately it has come to my attention that no one around here is doing any house cleaning. And so, after working through some significant feelings of shame and inadequacy, we have decided to pay someone to come and clean our house twice a month. Some days this decision leaves me with this amazingly light and ecstatic feeling freedom and joy. On other days (today) my pride sneaks out and causes me to take on projects like pulling the oven out from the wall and undertaking a massive effort to scrub it and the floor behind it clean- just to prove that I am not a slob.