Tuesday, September 8, 2009
conflicting passions
Lately I find myself quite often experiencing two conflicting and incredibly passionate feelings: the desire for time to stop the current moment to last forever and the desire for to move on to something better. For example tonight I was holding Jonathan as I was putting him to bed. It was peaceful and still and wonderful and the beauty of the moment brought tears to my eyes. But, simultaneously, my back was killing me, I desperately needed a shower, and I was about as exhausted as I have ever been and I wanted nothing so strongly as for Jonathan to be in bed so I could take some ibuprofen, a shower and go to bed. I guess the trick, as always, is to live in the now. To relish each moment for its good because you know that it will never come again.
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It is helpful to remember how fleeting these moments are. I usually have a strong sense of time passing away, which is probably why I didn't mind that Simon didn't sleep through the night until 10 months. Every time I was nursing him, I was aware of how short 1 year is. Of course, I was also tired. Being tired was good for not getting too emotional when it was time to wean.
ReplyDeleteI can sympathize with wanting to relish those moments but just being so tired. For the longest time I couldn't wait for him to be able to play independently, and now he's still clingy but doesn't need me every instant and it's crazy how that time flew by.
ReplyDeleteVery wise insight! It is hard not to rush things - and so important to enjoy the moments when they disappear so fast! Such a unique time in your life - savor it!
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