now

Today I am panicking. I keep dwelling on the fact that Jonathan will grow up. On one hand I feel OK about that- I am excited to see who he becomes and I like to think that I will have some positive influence on that. And I think I feel OK about the notion that to a large extent a Mom's job is to let go little by little. He is already much more independent than he was 4 months ago and every phase from here on out is meant for him to grow into more and more independence. I know that. And on most days I am OK with it.

But there is a part of me that looks at children and thinks "I don't know the first thing about a 10 month old/ 2 year old/ 5 year old/ etc. This will never work out." And that part of me wants to quit now before my ineptitude is obvious to everyone. I need to keep reminding myself that 3 months ago I didn't know the first thing about 3 month olds. And things are going great. I just take it one day at a time- do the best that I can and enjoy NOW without dwelling on the past or worrying about the future.

It almost always comes back to that with me- living in the now and choosing to be happy. I hope those are things I can teach Jonathan so he doesn't have to spend so much energy struggling with them the way his mommy does!!