As I put Zoë to bed tonight I couldn't help but linger by her crib and watch her for a little longer than normal. The way she nuzzled her little face into her fleecy blanket. Her sleepy eyes and soft partial smile. Her gentle cooing noises and soft kicking- like she was just enjoying the feeling of having legs to stretch.
Not every night is this peaceful- most of the time she likes to fall asleep yelling (not crying - yelling. and yes she seems to actually like it.) But tonight she completely embodied contentment. In addition to making my heart swell up into my throat with the wonder at this beautiful little creature, watching her made me jealous.
I wonder what it would be like to go to sleep with that sort of stillness and peace instead of the mental litany of crud I have as I toss and turn in my bed. What would it take to have that sort of peace in my life? How do I get myself to a place where a fleecy blanket and the feeling of my own toes leaves me with that amount of contentment?
I am not sure the place to start- but bedtime seems like a good goal. So this week, my goal will be to clear my mind of all of the pointless worry, the shopping lists, the litany of self-criticism, the complaints- all of the clutter, to take a few deep breaths, and to focus on something that I really enjoyed from the day for a few minutes before bedtime.
No comments:
Post a Comment