mid summer blues

Around this time of summer every year I look around and wonder why on Earth I am doing what I am doing with my life. I feel exhausted and there is an undercurrent of resignation in all of my thoughts.

#1: AP and IB scores are released at the beginning of July. They are never as good as I had hoped they would be and send me into a funk for a few days. I know scores on high stakes standardized tests are not the end-all-be-all of education- they don't take into account a lot of the less tangible aspects of what students learn in the classroom, but it is one of the primary ways teachers are judged and so I can't help caring and thus being disappointed. I start questioning all the things I do in the classroom and expect from my students, which is a good thing in some ways. I make changes in procedures and grading and what-not for next year always hoping the new method will lead to better results. Last year it led me to totally revamp the way I administer and score tests. This year it will probably lead to substantial changes in how I deal with homework. Reflective practice is the cornerstone of good teaching- so in reality this is a part of being a good teacher.

#2: At this point in the season, the things in the garden that are going to fail have, leaving big bare spots where I had imagined glorious vines of fresh beans or bright carrots or crunchy rhubarb. All of the bushels of fresh produce that I had counted up in January while planning out my plots have gone up in smoke, leaving me with a pale reflection of the over ambitious plans I'd laid. This always leads me to take stock in why I put so much stupid effort into trying to things that are just going to fall over and die. So I have started putting together a list of the things that have been successful: garlic, onions, juliet tomatoes, basil, coriander, and potentially butternut squash, peppers, and pomegranates. Focus on the positive.

#3: It is stinking hot here. I can deal with unrelenting heat for a few days or weeks by telling myself that this is summer and it is supposed to be hot. But by mid July I'm over it and would trade my right arm for a cool evening breeze or a bit of crisp morning air. I'm counting the days until we leave for Minnesota. Land of 10,000 lakes here I come!!