choices

Today was an exhausting day.  It was my first day home for summer vacation and for some reason I guess I was mentally unprepared for what "vacation" was going to look like this year.  Don't get me wrong- I am SUPER excited for this time with my kids.  But I might need something stronger than a pot of coffee to keep me going because staying home with these two little guys is WAY more work that being at work.

(yes, he is wearing 15 shirts)

By the time the kids were in bed and Jim got home from work, he practically had to peel me off of the floor.  And what do I have to show for this day of hard work?  A sink full of dirty dishes, a hamper full of dirty clothes, sticky finger (and mouth) prints on the glass door, a fresh pile of crumbs under the table, and a bathtub full of match-box cars waiting to dry out.  I spent all day today sneaking extra cups of coffee and chocolate chips in a vain attempt to have an ounce more energy.  Nothing got crossed off of my to-do list.  Because I was busy.

Busy constantly monitoring Zoë's progress in learning to army crawl up and down the step into our play room so as to avoid a bloody nose.  Busy answering the 500th question of the "WHY is that lego green?" variety without loosing my sanity completely.  Busy re-stacking the stacking cups- again.

Days like today I feel like I am running at top speed but getting nowhere.  I desperately need a reminder that the to-do list isn't what is important.  A reminder that the things that are important are built.  Slowly.  Little choice by little choice.  The choice to take a deep breath in another room instead of screaming.  The choice to insist on serving zucchini for dinner instead of chips.  The choice to pull out the crayons and stickers instead of popping in a video.  The choice to ask them to share the leggos.  The choice to act like it is a still a surprise when the trash-truck falls down the slide for the 5th time in a row.  None of the choices make much of a difference on their own.  But today I need the encouragement that a week or a month or a year or 18 years of making those choices day in and day out adds up to something.  To kids who know they are valued and important.  To kids who might not always make the right choices, but who know what love and compassion and self discipline and character look like.