Easter

Easter is such a lovely holiday.  Sunny and pastel.  Flowers budding, blue skies, children smiling, voices singing in joy.  Celebration of life.  Or at least that is how I hope the photos will remember it this year.  But the truth about this Easter was that it was NOT a banner day.    So despite how it will appear in our photo album, this is how the day went...

Jonathan woke up early and so we had a chance to do our egg-hunt and find his Easter basket and have breakfast before Zoe woke up at 7:15.   But when I insisted that he eat more than 2 bites of breakfast before delving into Easter candy- tantrum #1.

We had time to experiment with our new water-color set before church.  But then when it was time to put on church clothes- tantrum #2.

We got to church early enough to park 2 blocks away instead of 3.  And when we got out of the car sans stroller and I told Jonathan that, no, I could not carry him and Zoë all the way to church- tantrum #3.

We found Daddy outside and got a lovely photo.  And I am sure the service was equally lovely.  But it happened to coincide with Zoë's morning nap- and she no longer naps well on the go.  So I experienced the service from the cry-room mostly to the tune of a beautifully dressed 7 month old screaming.  She finally fell asleep with 15 minutes left in the service.  I debated staying there in that cry-room for another hour, rocking my baby and letting her nap.  But I didn't.  I picked Jonathan up from Sunday school and when he learned that a) he could only have ONE pastry in the fellowship-hall and that b) he would need to walk back to the car- tantrum #4.

We finally got home; Zoe finally fell back asleep (nap schedule thrown to the wind).  And Jonathan and I finally sat down for lunch.  As Jonathan chewed his apple I was surrounded by quiet for the first time since 6:30am.  I sighed and rested my head on the table for just a moment.  Until the silence was broken by Jonathan's question-- "Why did Jesus have to die?"

Really?  Couldn't these questions be arranged in advance and planned for days when I have NOT been screamed at all morning?  But no, that is not how life goes- there are no dress rehearsals or study sessions before the exam.  BLAM it just hits you in the face when you are least prepared and you have to give it what you've got left and pray for grace.

I know I should probably end this post with a sunny Easter message.  But here is the truth- Life with kiddos is exhausting.  And I am exhausted.  I try to treasure every moment- because I love those coos and "da-da-da"s and all of those questions about heaven and god and firetrucks.  And I try to live out peace and love and compassion.  But I am not at my "A" game right now.  In fact, I don't remember what my "A" game feels like.  So at the end of the day- I regroup and treasure the good moments, thank God for my blessings, and pray for grace.