afraid

For the first time today, I watched Jonathan deal with fear. I'm not really sure what cognitive development leads a baby to suddenly see familiar things in a new, scary, light. But I can't think of anything that precipitated it.

We were playing on the dining room floor with his truck and he kept going over to the baby gate and saying "ball". It took me a while, but I finally figured out he was talking about my big purple exercise ball was in the middle of the floor of the sunroom. I climbed over the gate and brought the ball into the living room because I thought it might be fun for him to play with such a big ball. He approached it at first, but then came diving back towards me, crying and burying his head. He wouldn't touch it, go near, or let go of me and and didn't stop crying until I put it back away. As soon as it was gone he was back to his normal spunky self. And not 10 minutes later he decided he should try to scale the stairs. So much for well grounded fears...

I hate March

And I hate that I hate it.

There are no days off, but the weather makes you want to be outside. The end of the year starts to be in sight, but all of the deadlines start closing in on you and demanding ridiculous things. Seniors start to see college as an imminent reality, and start to act crazy and be really unfun to teach. And it just wears on me and I am too exhausted to enjoy life. I feel like a zombie most of the time even though I am sleeping better than I have all year.

I have spent a lot of time, energy, and money on therapy and one of the things I took away was the importance of living in the now- of appreciating the present moment for whatever it holds. This year I have been so good at not spending my time and happiness waiting for the next holiday, or half day, or special event- until now. Now I am counting down to spring break like it is my only lifeline. Grrr.... I hate March.

lovin' the spring time weather!

back into the swing

I ran my first race since Jonathan was born this past weekend. No marathon or half-marathon this time- an 8k. It was great. I was unexcited about it since training had been pretty non-existant. At the end of the school day when the question came down to do I go for a run or go pick up the baby, somehow going for a run never won out. I got out 1-2 times a week- sometimes with Jonathan in the jogging stroller, but nothing approaching a training plan. So I was not super pumped about the race, but it was a great time! It was a beautiful morning and running felt good the whole way. I even had energy to sprint the last quarter mile or so. It was inspiring and now I am seriously considering getting back into the swing of things and training for a half marathon over the summer...