inside looking out

The weather is turning beautiful and I find myself wanting to spend every moment outside; Jonathan is turning 11 months and finding himself wanting to spend every moment crawling around chasing things and putting them in his mouth. I took him outside this morning to see how playing in our backyard would go. I swept off our wooden deck so that it was cleaner than it has ever been, spread out a quilt, and brought some non-rolling toys. Jonathan immediately crawled off of the quilt onto the splintery wood and found a myriad of pebbles, leaves and dead rolly-pollys to eat. Wonderful. We spend about 10 minutes battling out between the eating dirt and me grabbing things out of his hands/mouth before I called it quits and brought us inside.

I am again stymied by my lack of knowledge about small children. Will the eating everything stage fade soon? Is it worth investing in one of those large baby gate pen things and some sort of ground covering so we can be outside this summer? Or when crawling turns to walking, will he be less inclined to put everything in his mouth? I love taking him on walks/runs but there is only so much of that that either of us can handle at one time. We can go to the park or the beach but I'm not sure he can play on the ground yet. And it drives me crazy to sit inside looking out a the sunshine. I'm sure we will figure it out. I just wish I had a sense of what stages were coming next and how soon so I knew how to prepare.

first word!!

Jim, the preschool teachers and I all agree that Jonathan is now saying his first word!!! Sure, he has been babbling like a crazy man for a while and he waves and says "ba-bye" on command. But now he is distinctly putting a meaning with a sound that is recognizable to us. And, sad to say, neither "Mommy" nor "Daddy" made the cut. Not even the "doggie", with whom Jonathan has been enamored for months. What was his first word? "Ball" I guess I'm not really surprised given the number of hours he has chased various balls around our living room...

morning magic

We went on a long walk this morning and it was wonderful (just around the neighborhood with the baby and the dog- nothing exotic). There is something about being outside in the crisp, sunny morning air with the dew on the grass and the sound of birds chirping that makes me feel more relaxed and hopeful than just about anything else. The way the shadows are still long and the air smells like wet earth makes me feel like it is a clean beginning of something wonderful.

Today on our walk the beautiful morning kept bringing back memories of other wonderful mornings: waking up on camping trips and seeing my breath in the air while warm in my sleeping bag, the peaceful quiet and buttery glassiness of the water on WaterSki-Wednesdays, walking to my early morning physics classes through Duke forest, morning swim practices outside, waking up while camping out for basketball tickets in K-ville, the stillness of the water at sunrise in the boundary waters, training runs with friends while the Durham summer air was still "cool".

When I was first diagnosed with depression my therapist recognized the magic of sunshine and prescribed two things: Prozac and outdoor exercise. That second prescription took me on long walks through Duke forest daily that would be the only time the crazy, depressed side of my brain would quiet down to hear the birds. I would spend hours walking with the dog. And while the prescription was not magic bullet (therapy and antidepressants have remained a necessity for another 5 years) it instilled in me the importance of getting myself outside in the sunshine- preferably in the morning, preferably in the spring! It is the best means for me to meditate and clear my mind.

rough day

Today has started out rough. I woke up to messy, dirty house and looked outside to a gloomy, drizzly morning hanging over an untidy weed-infested yard. The to-do list around here is overwhelming: piles of paperwork, a myriad of little projects, and still nothing for dinner. I have no idea when I will have the time and free hands to get this stuff done. I know that spending time playing on the floor is more meaningful than mowing the yard, but at the end of the day when the piles and to-do lists have only gotten bigger, it is hard for me to see that. Which is why, I suppose, pictures are so helpful.